ALL NIGHT PRINT BINGE.
HALLELUJAH.
the best binge there is.
i was feeling nostalgic and decided to print all night long.
in short, feeling sentimental for the sort of days and nights when i had a huge project due and would have to work all night with a nice mix of stress and excitement. and yes i have to work tomorrow.
why would i do that to myself?
don't know. i can do lots of things.
anyway, here it goes, about 6 hours in already. its just me and music and this space and the ink and paper and screen, tea and some snackies. its wonderful to do this again. strangely, i find myself in a special state of mind that i only encounter in this kind of situation. i am so clearly concentrating on one thing, even one repeated series of motion but my mind is still free to wander and think and process things and i haven't done that in so long like this. its not only therapeutic but cleansing in a way too, it always makes me think of all aspects of my life in the working mindset, the getting shit done and cutting things out mindset, the editing mindset. the do what you need to do, get rid of what you need to get rid of, get away with what you can get away with and cut out or redo what needs cutting and re-doing. put all aspects of my life under the print microscope, not just the prints - usually i end of thinking 'my God, grow up, get over it, fucking do it and move on.'
i love it.
plus,
I HAVE AN EIGHT HOUR LONG PLAYLIST.
= SWEET.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Sunday, December 19, 2010
stray
let us talk seriously. as adults. i'm an adult now.
when you got married, you were a hair older than i am now. maybe you were even younger. maybe you even had your first or first two children already. you came from a family of 4, or 6, or 12, or 3 or 8. you were a waitress, a bartender, a cook, a secretary. you went to college part time, you didn't go at all, you went on your own dime eating nothing but tuna and eggs by day and devouring the books by night. you moved out, you kept your job, you got a job with your high school diploma - you made money by day, went out at night, had friends, had fun, had options, had kids.
they were necessities. they were the 'next step'. the 'why not?'.
but what did you want?
did you want to go anywhere?
do anything else?
instead of realizing later, after the kids, after the spouse, after the house and the job and the dog and the cats and the mortgage and the loans at 47, 33, 27, 22, 49...and on.
listen: we're under too much pressure already. we give it to ourselves, it comes at us from all sides, from everything. we're going to be poorer, worked harder, less satisfied, more depressed, more dependent. at least let us try to love people properly - without pressure, without confusion, without feeling like we've had to give something up or give up someone special just for leading and following and making our lives what we hope they can be. let us love people not because its what we 'should' be doing, or where a relationship 'should' be going - maybe thats the one up we have on you here.
because everything is work. it will always be work.
a relationship is work, that is something i have learned from you, hard work you learned along the way blindfolded.
and my work needs to be prints, people, words, music, sunlight and faith. and getting to a beach or a farm somewhere.
i know you'll say to me 'gabrielle, you make it sound like its do or die.'
its not that complex? its just black and white? it works or it doesn't? just go with it? you just want me to be happy? its easy?
is it though? as someone who tends to lose herself in other people, i don't want to give myself up that easily, quickly. because thats what it is - willingness and trust. and you made me a stubborn rebelling rooted woman.
i'm sorry, you didn't make me a risk taker. i don't feel like risking another persons happiness, another persons dreams. i don't feel like risking mine when i know anything started or finished with any person, would only end in hurt and regret in my lack to attach or detach. it has always been that way for me. it will always be that way.
i'm sorry. but albeit a killer soundtrack, my life is not a john hughes movie. not right now, maybe not ever.
its my life. and i want to figure out whats mine before even telling another person my name.
don't worry about it anymore.
and don't let it get you down.
because at the end of the day you're still walking your own made for you path right? and if you know yourself and you know God, then you may have at least a slight idea of what that path is. what is mine will stay mine, what is yours will stay yours, what is ours will stay ours - what more do we need? its not up to us! keep what's yours for a little while. that includes the love you have already**. know it and own it before trying to work it out with another human being.
**that, along with many others, can come in the form of the 13 different kind of BOMB christmas cookies your mother makes while snuggling up with your sibz on the couch.
when you got married, you were a hair older than i am now. maybe you were even younger. maybe you even had your first or first two children already. you came from a family of 4, or 6, or 12, or 3 or 8. you were a waitress, a bartender, a cook, a secretary. you went to college part time, you didn't go at all, you went on your own dime eating nothing but tuna and eggs by day and devouring the books by night. you moved out, you kept your job, you got a job with your high school diploma - you made money by day, went out at night, had friends, had fun, had options, had kids.
they were necessities. they were the 'next step'. the 'why not?'.
but what did you want?
did you want to go anywhere?
do anything else?
instead of realizing later, after the kids, after the spouse, after the house and the job and the dog and the cats and the mortgage and the loans at 47, 33, 27, 22, 49...and on.
listen: we're under too much pressure already. we give it to ourselves, it comes at us from all sides, from everything. we're going to be poorer, worked harder, less satisfied, more depressed, more dependent. at least let us try to love people properly - without pressure, without confusion, without feeling like we've had to give something up or give up someone special just for leading and following and making our lives what we hope they can be. let us love people not because its what we 'should' be doing, or where a relationship 'should' be going - maybe thats the one up we have on you here.
because everything is work. it will always be work.
a relationship is work, that is something i have learned from you, hard work you learned along the way blindfolded.
and my work needs to be prints, people, words, music, sunlight and faith. and getting to a beach or a farm somewhere.
i know you'll say to me 'gabrielle, you make it sound like its do or die.'
its not that complex? its just black and white? it works or it doesn't? just go with it? you just want me to be happy? its easy?
is it though? as someone who tends to lose herself in other people, i don't want to give myself up that easily, quickly. because thats what it is - willingness and trust. and you made me a stubborn rebelling rooted woman.
i'm sorry, you didn't make me a risk taker. i don't feel like risking another persons happiness, another persons dreams. i don't feel like risking mine when i know anything started or finished with any person, would only end in hurt and regret in my lack to attach or detach. it has always been that way for me. it will always be that way.
i'm sorry. but albeit a killer soundtrack, my life is not a john hughes movie. not right now, maybe not ever.
its my life. and i want to figure out whats mine before even telling another person my name.
don't worry about it anymore.
and don't let it get you down.
because at the end of the day you're still walking your own made for you path right? and if you know yourself and you know God, then you may have at least a slight idea of what that path is. what is mine will stay mine, what is yours will stay yours, what is ours will stay ours - what more do we need? its not up to us! keep what's yours for a little while. that includes the love you have already**. know it and own it before trying to work it out with another human being.
**that, along with many others, can come in the form of the 13 different kind of BOMB christmas cookies your mother makes while snuggling up with your sibz on the couch.
Friday, November 5, 2010
Saturday, October 23, 2010
mayday! mayday!
H'OK
pact with future self:
you WILL have a print shop.
it WILL be somewhere else other than the cleve.
you WILL NOT always work for satanbux.
and if all else fails, you will buy a food truck so you can at least cook all day while traveling the country at the same time.
with your dog.
to all my relatives who THINK i NEED a boyfriend:
i am a LONER.
i've always been a loner.
like a puffin.
like my dad.
mind the cheese: c'est la vie.
i don't have one because i don't want one.
i want REAL.
i don't want settling and unhappiness and wanting like you.
i don't want to fill out some 'online' profile just so i can meet some fuckface and go through months to years of denial when i figure out what a shitbag he is.
just so i can pop out some 'catholic' kids and search for meaning.
and if i don't find what i NEED?
oh well, too fucking bad.
sorry to disappoint you.
but i'll just be this way forever.
fuck your pressure.
fuck you for thinking i'm desperate for 'love'.
i love you, but fuck you.
i have love. i've got bushels.
THANK YOU FAMILY PARTIES FOR MAKING ME FEEL SO SOOOO GREAT.
one of these days, i'm just going to get the fuck out of here with my car, a carton of smokes, tunes to last me a lifetime, a new puppy and my fucking mayday emergency backpack (thanks mom, in case of the apocalypse) and get the fuck out of here. use my flares to light a fire, my seed bank to grow some foodz and blow this popsicle stand.
pact with future self:
you WILL have a print shop.
it WILL be somewhere else other than the cleve.
you WILL NOT always work for satanbux.
and if all else fails, you will buy a food truck so you can at least cook all day while traveling the country at the same time.
with your dog.
to all my relatives who THINK i NEED a boyfriend:
i am a LONER.
i've always been a loner.
like a puffin.
like my dad.
mind the cheese: c'est la vie.
i don't have one because i don't want one.
i want REAL.
i don't want settling and unhappiness and wanting like you.
i don't want to fill out some 'online' profile just so i can meet some fuckface and go through months to years of denial when i figure out what a shitbag he is.
just so i can pop out some 'catholic' kids and search for meaning.
and if i don't find what i NEED?
oh well, too fucking bad.
sorry to disappoint you.
but i'll just be this way forever.
fuck your pressure.
fuck you for thinking i'm desperate for 'love'.
i love you, but fuck you.
i have love. i've got bushels.
THANK YOU FAMILY PARTIES FOR MAKING ME FEEL SO SOOOO GREAT.
one of these days, i'm just going to get the fuck out of here with my car, a carton of smokes, tunes to last me a lifetime, a new puppy and my fucking mayday emergency backpack (thanks mom, in case of the apocalypse) and get the fuck out of here. use my flares to light a fire, my seed bank to grow some foodz and blow this popsicle stand.
Monday, October 11, 2010
aaahhhh monday
oohhh my gosh i love it when alex is home to show my useless funny things on stolen internets.
also, living away from home again is rad. i can eat portobello mushroom burgers and drink strawberry orange banana juice whenever i want! not to mention, i am literally 5 minutes away from my job. ughhuhuhuhuhuhhhhhhhh
Thursday, August 26, 2010
but you and me, we're just crazy
F A L L : 2 o 1 o
i just have to spread the following amazing recap of what my life is to become in the following months. some of you might laugh to yourselves and say 'oh you dork', or you'll just be patting yourself on the back because you were RIGHT and its FREAKY - i'm talking to you sir! thats right! shout out!
so, as most of you know, i intern at this killer studio, the only real one in cleveland basically = i'm super blessed.
THIS FALL, I AM:
- coordinating and curating an entire art show consisting of work made by interns from my shop and 2 other major art organizations in Cleveland. i will have work in it, i will pick out the pieces, i will install and hang it. le yikes and le awesome at the same time and 75% of me is kind of terrified but in the most amazing way.
- starting in october, every sunday i'll be teaching a class on intalgio, which is just a really fancy pants way of saying etchings. people are paying to take this class = whoa.
- i have been given the IMMENSE HONOR of designing and printing my friend luke's wedding invitations. at least 200. we're not sure on a number yet. helllooooo letterpress, so good to see you again.
- CIA litho collection help and collaboration, with barter system litho studio time. time to build up these stone grinding guns again and to be totally cheesy i cannot wait to feel the burn. eh heh heh heh.
- one of my drive-thru regulars at starbucks makes mixed media art as a hobby. after recently discovering that i intend to be a printmaker, has commisioned me to do screen prints of his work on t shirts. quite a few of them.
- plus various never-ending and exciting shows and events like holiday parties and artoberfest and germans coming and all kinds of wonderful happening at the studio.
you know, when i was at the cape i finally had some time to just sit down and think. i read a heck of a lot of books and i thought a lot because summer isn't really a good time for me. no news there. and although i came away from that time still feeling like i had a million things to say and a million things to sort out and a million things to apologize for i realized: all in good time. i find myself wanting to go back to things a lot, i'm a ' can't things just be this way again ' kind of girl, or ' can't we go back to being like that ' kind of girl. it totally sucks, must be all that romance and dreamer stuff i plug into my ears and mind all the time, but i don't mind. it's just who i am.
i felt nostalgic for school today, moving into a house and living with my friends and being with them. having dance parties and cheesy movie marathons and stopping everything busy for an hour just to watch our favorite shows and snake bites in the wee hours of the early morning and cooking meals together. i miss that, but its not like i'll never have it again. it's just a time to make things happen right now. i don't want to go to grad school, i want to get roughed up a little bit. i want to move somewhere and be a little wild woman without having to worry about school being the only option i have. i've been nuts my whole life, i have no intentions of settling that. there are always options, shit economy or not.
no one is leaving, at the end of the day, we'll still talk like we always have and do. we'll still be ourselves, we'll still be us, we'll still have whats ours, yours and mine. we'll still have you're thing and my thing and coming together to do our thing because if there's any time in our lives where we really know whats real to us, i really think that its this time. you know what is and you know what isn't and you know what matters. thats all there is to it, hell or high water. after this, things can so easily become routine and doubtful and bland if you're not careful. so, go with your gut. know and be confident in what and who matters to you, make it happen and push and pray - apparently on average we only use about 30% of our brain capacity and we're all so passive aggressive about our untapped potential. to hell with what other people think, to hell with what matters to them, to hell with who or what you might upset or not effect at all. now is a time to do shit for ourselves, so in short, don't cop out.
i'm going to really try hard to follow my own advice in this matter. after this fall, depending on what may come and what connections are made, i want to be back up in cape cod by march. fall at the very latest, bottom line. i've looked up everything from gallery positions, to screen printing factory jobs to cranberry harvesting - no joke - to waitressing to cooking to whatever. i'm not settling for anything less. i'm going to start out making small woodcuts and screen prints on a table press in a small apartment or room but i'm going to do it. i will get those pieces into galleries, next to all the ridiculous amounts of painting and pottery. that is what i'm going to do and i know it because if there's one thing i'm damn fine at its pushing so instead of waiting for someone to push me, i'm going to push me. sprinkled at sea.
thats all for a while. the only thing i want anyone looking at after this is my art work blog because thats all i want to worry about. it's fall, its been nice and slightly chilly here the past few nights that i have to wear my flannel to bed. i'm going to sit on my porch with best coast and an american spirit.
i just have to spread the following amazing recap of what my life is to become in the following months. some of you might laugh to yourselves and say 'oh you dork', or you'll just be patting yourself on the back because you were RIGHT and its FREAKY - i'm talking to you sir! thats right! shout out!
so, as most of you know, i intern at this killer studio, the only real one in cleveland basically = i'm super blessed.
THIS FALL, I AM:
- coordinating and curating an entire art show consisting of work made by interns from my shop and 2 other major art organizations in Cleveland. i will have work in it, i will pick out the pieces, i will install and hang it. le yikes and le awesome at the same time and 75% of me is kind of terrified but in the most amazing way.
- starting in october, every sunday i'll be teaching a class on intalgio, which is just a really fancy pants way of saying etchings. people are paying to take this class = whoa.
- i have been given the IMMENSE HONOR of designing and printing my friend luke's wedding invitations. at least 200. we're not sure on a number yet. helllooooo letterpress, so good to see you again.
- CIA litho collection help and collaboration, with barter system litho studio time. time to build up these stone grinding guns again and to be totally cheesy i cannot wait to feel the burn. eh heh heh heh.
- one of my drive-thru regulars at starbucks makes mixed media art as a hobby. after recently discovering that i intend to be a printmaker, has commisioned me to do screen prints of his work on t shirts. quite a few of them.
- plus various never-ending and exciting shows and events like holiday parties and artoberfest and germans coming and all kinds of wonderful happening at the studio.
you know, when i was at the cape i finally had some time to just sit down and think. i read a heck of a lot of books and i thought a lot because summer isn't really a good time for me. no news there. and although i came away from that time still feeling like i had a million things to say and a million things to sort out and a million things to apologize for i realized: all in good time. i find myself wanting to go back to things a lot, i'm a ' can't things just be this way again ' kind of girl, or ' can't we go back to being like that ' kind of girl. it totally sucks, must be all that romance and dreamer stuff i plug into my ears and mind all the time, but i don't mind. it's just who i am.
i felt nostalgic for school today, moving into a house and living with my friends and being with them. having dance parties and cheesy movie marathons and stopping everything busy for an hour just to watch our favorite shows and snake bites in the wee hours of the early morning and cooking meals together. i miss that, but its not like i'll never have it again. it's just a time to make things happen right now. i don't want to go to grad school, i want to get roughed up a little bit. i want to move somewhere and be a little wild woman without having to worry about school being the only option i have. i've been nuts my whole life, i have no intentions of settling that. there are always options, shit economy or not.
no one is leaving, at the end of the day, we'll still talk like we always have and do. we'll still be ourselves, we'll still be us, we'll still have whats ours, yours and mine. we'll still have you're thing and my thing and coming together to do our thing because if there's any time in our lives where we really know whats real to us, i really think that its this time. you know what is and you know what isn't and you know what matters. thats all there is to it, hell or high water. after this, things can so easily become routine and doubtful and bland if you're not careful. so, go with your gut. know and be confident in what and who matters to you, make it happen and push and pray - apparently on average we only use about 30% of our brain capacity and we're all so passive aggressive about our untapped potential. to hell with what other people think, to hell with what matters to them, to hell with who or what you might upset or not effect at all. now is a time to do shit for ourselves, so in short, don't cop out.
i'm going to really try hard to follow my own advice in this matter. after this fall, depending on what may come and what connections are made, i want to be back up in cape cod by march. fall at the very latest, bottom line. i've looked up everything from gallery positions, to screen printing factory jobs to cranberry harvesting - no joke - to waitressing to cooking to whatever. i'm not settling for anything less. i'm going to start out making small woodcuts and screen prints on a table press in a small apartment or room but i'm going to do it. i will get those pieces into galleries, next to all the ridiculous amounts of painting and pottery. that is what i'm going to do and i know it because if there's one thing i'm damn fine at its pushing so instead of waiting for someone to push me, i'm going to push me. sprinkled at sea.
thats all for a while. the only thing i want anyone looking at after this is my art work blog because thats all i want to worry about. it's fall, its been nice and slightly chilly here the past few nights that i have to wear my flannel to bed. i'm going to sit on my porch with best coast and an american spirit.
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