As long as we're young

i have the GREATEST major/job IN THE ENTIRE WORLD.

WHY????

here's why

i make cool looking shit. thats right, its shit that looks COOL and usually some MEANING (or sometimes the depth stops at "it just looks fucking cool.") is behind it too, some CONTENT, some OOMPH
thats my JOB. i gather up all this stuff and these crazy ideas and color schemes and cartoons and doodles with all these things, concepts, aspects of ANYTHING that i just THINK ABOUT and that are constantly going through my brain, i gather all of that out of myself and make something with it.

its like a fucking HORCRUX (thats right, harry potter reference, don't be a grown-up and read a fucking childs book!), every thing i make, there's me. not like "oh i'm so vain i'm going to put myself in everything.", its more like "hey...that comes out of me. there's my hand in that. and thats pretty fucking cool."

AND
BONUSES:
i get to play with saws, sanders, paint, welding rods etc. (THATS RIGHT, I WELD!!!!), casting, kilns, steel, wax, glaze, clay, huge fucking stones, screens, charcoal, watercolors, gouache, saudering irons, wood engravers, CHEMICALS, printing presses, canvas, INK, PAPER, glass, acid and the occasional naked person.

its like...a playground for grown-ups. i LOVE doing this. i love spending all day in a studio. i wish i could be who i am in the studio in all other places and aspects of my life; that is the best parts of me in there because i'm working on something i love more than ANYTHING and nothing else matters to me. none of my problems matter: problems with family, friends, self-esteem, exhaustion of life, guys, other classes, my need for sleep and/or coffee - none of it exists. what exists is what i'm working on and none of that makes me worry, or depressed or angry or hesitant or over-analytical or shitty about myself. i don't have to open up to anyone and worry that it will blow up in my face, i don't have to make sure i'm making everyone happy or comfortable, or worry about their judgement or uncomfort or trying to impress them somehow because all i'm opening up to is me, it is selfless introspection to make something out of it, out of all of that.

i'm sure all of this sounds really cheesy and way too Art School Confidential
but
it's the truth because THAT gabe? i feel like she's a pretty rare person.

in other news:
- i still love cheese
- and i'm beginning to think i should depend on weekly hour long dance parties for exercise.
- my favorite color is still red.