please believe me when i say this:

you are the most beautiful person i know and it pains me to an inexplicable amount to know that you are where you are and i cannot be with you to help you with all this fuckery. it breaks my heart and makes me angry.

but please remember, you are not alone. you are MY family and i will never let you be alone with any of this. ever. you've been through all of this shit to the point where you must become as self-sufficient and self supporting as possible but i will always support you and be there whenever you can't handle all of this shit on your shoulders.  

did i mention you have the buffest shoulders of anyone i know, have ever known and probably will ever know? 

never underestimate your own resilience, because it is truly amazing. and this road you're walking will be hard, and you will be singled out, you will be the inspirer of both jealousy and denial alike in those closest to you because you are actually doing something to help yourself, and not only that but you are progressing fast in these things. you are so incredibly aware and even though it's the easier thing to do, you refuse to ignore and accept the unfairness, denial, projection, rationalization and belittling around you because you KNOW you are the bigger person.

never forget that you are the bigger person. 

so you stick to your guns and keep refusing to take shit, to take loneliness, to take all the fucked up unjustified shitty things they have done to you because they can't make excuses anymore and they fucking know that and they know that you are progressing beyond them and their fucked up bullshit. they know what they've done to you and you are using that to your benefit and you are making yourself a deeper, better and more compassionate and understanding than they will EVER BE because of it.  and because of that they will keep throwing their shit at you because they are in denial and they are jealous and maybe feeling a little screwed because you are rising above all this, even if that means someday even being without them.  

please remember that even when you are at your loneliest, you will ALWAYS have me. always. when you feel at your worst, when you feel alone, ugly, dumb, depressed, angry, crazy...whatever you're feeling, i will always be here to help you and to love you and support you and defend you and carry you and build you up. i know you will feel these things even when i do all i can to help and i know it will seem hopeless, but it isn't because you are filled with and you are doing so much good with all of this. you are helping yourself, and letting others help you and you are helping me. 

remember how much you mean to me and how incredibly lost and lessened i would be without you in my life. i thank God for you every single day and i pray for your well being and happiness and peace of mind. i am so proud that you are working towards these things, pushing for them even when you don't want to push because you know you need to for yourself, and that is the most important thing. YOU, your happiness and your health all around. and regardless of all the fuckery it is NEVER wrong to push for that and i am so glad you're pushing for that and you're not letting this run your life. i certainly would be allowing it to.

i am in awe of you, your strength.

i love you.

i miss you so much that i can't even stand it. 

i can't wait to be able to help you when you need it, the way you'll need it.

please remember that even though you might not have them, you will always have me and i won't let you ever be alone. 

love, 

-g