recent developments

- my brother was taking a metals class this semester and basically made me the coolest ring ever. 

its silver and stamped into it is "bad ass mother fucker"

i am not kidding. 

it also happens to fit my ring finger so he meant for it to double as a "purity" ring. 

i am pleased. 

- i miss my bestie. an unbearable amount. it basically sucks because i'm going out of my mind. 

- i'm really thinking about patience lately; how for true patience to actually exist and pan out, there needs to be a certain level of trust in the situation you're in, the control you have in it and the control God has in it.  i am not a very patient person; i have a really hard time with God's timing and his grace and just trusting in the fact that he's in control, i am not and what is meant to be will be.  i want to make everything BE even if it's meant to or not because the whole "carpe diem" attitude really clouds my mind sometimes.  i want to be able to at least have the right to say i tried, i attempted to "change things" and hence, patience has always been hard because that level of trusting in something bigger and trusting in my lack of control has been difficult. in one particular aspect and situation in my life, i have been really trying out this whole patience thing: just being patient and letting things pan out naturally, without prompting the situation somehow and all in all, the things in this situation are going well. they are going slower (of course) than i wish them too, and i am so uncertain of what will come but its been a really hard fight for me to be patient. it's been really hard to just trust in the situation, no matter the outcome. it's been really hard to basically sit still and not motivate it somehow (though whenever i try to "motivate" a situation, it usually blows up in my face with someone thinking the opposite of what i ever intended). 

so i'm praying for silence so that i may listen to you more. and i'm praying for patience so that i can keep my heart in check and away from a very fine line. i'm praying for patience because regardless of how much i want you here in my life and how much i wish there was some reciprocative place for you in it (ie: visa versa), i need to just trust in the fact that if you're meant to, you will be and if you're not, (as much as i would NOT prefer this) you won't. and a part of me in praying for patience because if i stick to it, it just might make a place for you.