peace like a river

you know,
i'm getting the feeling that we all need an island dance party vacation.

this is the first time in many years that i'm kind of wishing for warmer weather at this time of year.
i wish i had pine trees in sand dunes salty breeze sunshine and a hammock.
but if i am going to be here for a bit (which i am), i at least wish there was some snow so that i could build a giant fort and tunnel system in one of those huge piles left by the bulldozers. or a sweet tree house, with heat. that would be cool.
i like that. burying myself in things. like snow or sand or leaves or dirt or blankets or people. it's weird, but i do. i think the feeling that comes with being completely covered and surrounded by those things appeals to me. the warmth found inside buried snow, crisp warm grains of sand, the smell of dirt and leaves, the comfortable calm safety and togetherness of people and blankets. thats what i need right now.
did you know that a person needs at least 6 meaningful touches a day from others?

thats what i need. someone who will just snuggle down with me while i do my homework and hang out and keep me calmed down and from academic panic. in my living room, with the fire on, with some hot tea and maybe some beef stew or shepherds pie or soup or something.


everything will be alright.
everything will work out, get done, get sorted and be still.
i am constantly struggling with giving myself peace, letting myself be peaceful and experiencing that incredible aspect of God that is peace. i am constantly conflicted and thinking and processing every little aspect of my life that i am easily overwhelmed and worn out by it. i am very stubborn you know. i am working at it, and some days are harder, a lot harder, than others but i've been allowing my rebellion and guilt to still and just let myself have peace sometimes.
what changes now is usually best for our futures and all is full of love.
always love because without it you are nothing and have nothing.
anyone who says otherwise is full of horseshit. road apples.
because everything changes and you'll know who and what is replaceable, isn't and won't ever be.
hold out for the ones you know will love you.

so let it be well, let it be still, allow yourself some peace.



merry christmas everyone. in less than a week i will stuffed with homemade christmas cookies. i love you.