rewind

things i have to remind myself of constantly:

one day at a time

all is full of love.



let's be honest friends, my mind is a pretty hot mess most of the time. whose isn't. i didn't make this blog so people i love can read me whining. i made it to share my thoughts. to get them out. sometimes, i just don't have it together. sure, everything is still fluttering around in there, but you pray about it. you talk to your friends. you scream it out. you take baby steps. because most of the time, it's not what you think it is, nor is it as bad. everything is everything, what comes to pass is supposed to and what doesn't, doesn't. at the end of the day, you have those who love you, and sure, you go through some shit, some confusion, but those are meant to stay, will stay and make sure that they do. that's all there is to it.
its good to know that no matter what happens, no matter what is so bad or so confusing in a moment, i'll still be here and so will you. i know that as fact. i do not question it and i don't know why i ever would. some people in your life are just there to stay. staying should be enough, shouldn't it?

my bestie is the best there is. she made me a christmas video, she keeps me sane and calm when i need to be and still loves me without failure or question while still knowing pretty much everything about me, all the best parts of me and the very worst as well.
how many people do you love like that?
better question, how many people know you love them like that?
if you're anything like me, probably not many because we are great at thinking people know what we really mean through our actions.
newsflash: most of the time, they don't.
we're too busy taking them for granted.

so here's one small step, a started for when i verbalize it at a later date if i haven't let you know already:
i love you emily, i love you britty, i love you tiffy, i love you stephen, i love you taylor, i love you jamie, i love you mom, i love you dad, i love you madi, i love you alex, i love you hero, i love you lamb, i love you frog, i love you lizzy, i love you jimmy, i love you christine, i love you amy, i love you eileen, i love you spencermonster, i love you dustin, i love you andrew, i love you luke, i love you paul, i love you beth, i love you daelan, i love you nathan, i love you rachel, i love you ally, i love you sarah, i love you ashely, i love you lindsey, i love you carmen, i love you steph, i love you jon, i love you erica, i love you andy1, i love you andy2, i love you kevin, i love you kyle, i love you kylie, i love you grandma, i love you pop pop, i love you grandma k, i love you grandpa k, i love you mike,dave,deb,marykay,terese,jim,marie,thad,tash,danielle,ian,matt,dave,jon,anna,nat,soph, i love you kathy, connie, dale, helene, greg, mary, ed, bill, andrea, jackie, timmy,michelle,tina,tony and all 150 of my cousins.

merry christmas :)
thats all for a while.