dem bones dem bones

passing through
unconscious states
when i awoke
i was on the
highway.


in lack of finals week stress, some things i hope to accomplish with my life:


1. own and operate my own co-op print shop.
2. live up east.
3. live in the south.
4. live in san francisco
5. live in the mountains.
6. live in canada.
7. go to europe. go to france, italy, ireland, england, greece.
8. maybe go to grad school for lithography.
9. learn to speak french more fluently.
10. get a husky and name it akela. (pronounced AH-KEEL-AH)
11. get a lab, name it hogarth hughes.
12. if i get a cat? name it Srgt. Tibs.
13. record and play music.
14. roadtrip for a better part of a year.
15. write a short story or more.
16. see belle and sebastian in concert.
17. go to elizabethtown with britty.
18. live with my best friends.
19. find a nice young stud on my 'wavelength' and not settle down before settling down and love him the best way i know how
20. go back and actually live in memphis instead of just being an infant there.
21. kayak on the mississippi.
22. live in Provincetown, MA.
23. go to the cape with amy and eileen again.
24. id like to have kids.
25. never hesitate to tell those kids that i love them, support them, respect them.
26. marry a man who would never hesitate to do that either.
27. do my best to make sure my brother doesn't turn into an asshole.
28. attend comicon (DUHtotally)
29. go to a belgian monastery and watch monks make beer.
30. possibly attempt to make my own beer.
31. hell, work at a brewing company.
32. learn how to cook better.
33. live in indiana again.
34. compile a stellar record collection.
35. learn how to play the violin.
36. work through things that run deep, learn from them instead of becoming bitter.
37. open a diner/coffee shop.
38. have a different flannel shirt for every day of the week.
39. actually try a fried egg on vanilla ice cream
40. go to disneyland
41. read the entire bible from cover to cover and actually learn from it instead of feeling obligated.
42. be meaningful, informed and aware of my convictions.
43. take care of my parents.
44. actually use my phone to keep in touch with people instead of mostly avoiding it.
45. i'd like to go to south america and harvest coffee
46. say what i mean and mean what i say, verbalize.
47. i want to get re-baptized in a river, out of faith and renewal rather than to join a specific church's congregation.
48. go to new orleans
((** to obviously be continued and added onto**))
i needed to type this out to remind myself what i want out of my life before i become just another number on some man's clip board and most of my life is spoken for by various obligations. here is so much i want to do with my life, which is currently at a standstill, but there is so much i want to do and experience and i've been having a really hard time lately working towards ways to make that happen.
right now, my life can go in a million different directions, each one dependent on various factors or others and ME.
i have a job that can transfer me anywhere, so if i go somewhere new and work for just a year? cool.
i'll go anywhere.
and every week, someone in my life is saying Hey! Come live with me in Chicago! or Nashville! or Austin! or Indy!
and i'd go to any one of those in a jiffy, but i'm just trying to get the slightest hint of any direction my life may be going in, whose going to be in it, what i'm going to do with it, where i'm supposed to be - i know i'm not going to figure it out and thats ok.
i don't have anyone keeping me in any one place, i hope i am not keeping anyone in any one place.
i miss my friends, i miss living with them, i miss having a support system of people who know me really well, who i can talk to and who really make me laugh. with a lot of things going on in the past week, it is something i have missed more than usual.
this standstill gives me a feeling of helplessness, the kind that makes me want to drive for days. i have a lot of potentially great things happening here, i have sold some prints and i have been asked to show my work. but nothing is written in stone, and i don't want to get stuck.
i hate the word stuck. and i hate the word routine. i'm not ready for that yet.
i know that makes me sound insane, or like a hypocrite or a huge commitment-phobe, which is not the case. i'm just not done with what i want yet, i don't think you should ever have to be done but they put the pressure on so early these days. work yourself to death so you can retire and die already.
i sat with my mom today over a few beers. i'm going to be 23 this year. when she was 23, she was married and getting preggers with me.

too many dry bones.