i love getting together with dear friends. especially ones from indiana because being at home has made me realize that indiana is more like home.
especially when we sit and talk about really intense things over a few beers and i leave at the end of the night with a lot to think about. some things i need to figure out, just suck it up and do what needs to be done i guess.
i'm not very good at confrontation.


sometimes, i know that God tends to show us how easily we can break so that He can repair us.
it's in our nature, as God's most important creation, to be broken. we need to be for faith to work. we constantly live our lives trying not to be, avoiding brokenness, almost at all costs.
being broken involves hurt, something i don't do very well.
i have never been on the edge of death. i have never watched someone i love intensely die in front of me. i have not lost any of the people who are the world to me. my parents have never been divorced. i've never been taken advantage of. in slight terms, my person, heart, spirit or soul has only been crushed, fractured, depressed, defeated, stepped on, but never broken.
there are many aspects of my life that can go either one way or another. each way is broad, general for the most part and i like that freeing quality to it.
this is no exception from any other aspect. in the end, it goes one of two ways, except i think one way may break me. and its no use trying to get it to be gentle because it won't be. and with all such things, everything will just have to change.
it was fun though wasn't it?
i had fun.


sometimes when i'm driving, in silence or with music that makes me think, i start to pray. i do most of my praying when i'm alone in my car, driving. and as i talk out loud and spill my guts and sins, tears come to my throat and a slightly chilly tingle comes over my body, up my arms, across my neck and spine and down to the tips of my fingers and thats when i know i have the holy spirit.
i'm going to try and be ready for this. for anything said or not said, felt or not felt, loved, hated, possible or impossible, for cynicism, for bitterness, for objection, for excuses. and i will fight them. i won't let them seep in.

you'll be given love
you'll be taken care of
you'll be given love
you have to trust it
maybe not from the sources
you have poured yours
maybe not from the directions
you are staring at